Not all friendships are destined to last forever. Some last for a season and others for the length of time you both share the same space. We get it. However, a few fair weather friends may linger on without much detection and not offer all the full benefits of a true friendship.
What is a fair weather friend?
In my opinion, a fair weather friend is a person who is only around when nothing heavy or bad is going on in your life. They will usually disappear at the first sign of being needed by you for emotional support or while you are navigating a difficult part of life.
Yet, you are always available for them to lean on during their times of distress. It’s easy to overlook the lack of ‘support’ on the first few rounds, but it starts to get easier to spot as time goes on.
Granted, folks do have to work and take care of things in their own lives so they may simply just be unavailable. There may be no slick agenda and it’s just a timing issue.
But, in my experience, a fair weather friend has given all the warning signs even when the world was normal.
Signs of a fair weather friend:
So, here are some common signs that may reveal a fair weather friend:
- They may bother you with their problems more than their other friends.
- They aren’t really available when things are good in their lives and/or things are terrible in your life.
- After a period of absence, they will reach out to ask how you are doing and immediately discuss the issues in their life. Their issues dominate the conversation and they may briefly allow you to share something.
- They seem to pop up to seek words of encouragement from you when they are feeling insecure and then disappear just as quickly.
- If you reach out during a life crisis, they seem to say little, don’t seem too present, come across as dismissive or offer generic responses.
“In prosperity, our friends know us; in adversity, we know our friends.”
John Churton Collins
Does this mean that you need to exit a one sided friendship?
Not necessarily. When they are available as a friend, you may actually enjoy their company and get along without any issues.
However, you may need to reclassify them from ‘Friend’ status to the status of an ‘Associate’.
Shifting from being friends to being associates
You can easily shift away from “friends” who are not adding value to your life without any major announcement or drama.
Once I understood how they operated, I even kept a few fair weather friends around for a bit but interacted with them as associates.
I also changed my own actions. For example:
- I stopped always being available for them to dump their problems into my lap.
- When speaking by phone or online, I started to set a time limit for myself to wrap up the interaction. I would sometimes end it sooner if I felt like they were not truly interested in anything that I was discussing and only wanted to focus on their life.
- I no longer shared deep thoughts, fears, hopes or dreams with them. Why? Well, they weren’t interested in that plus it’s no longer any of their business as an associate.
I then focused my energy on developing true mutual friendships with other people and not one sided drive-thru friendships.
Those fair weather friends eventually left on their own for greener pastures (or more attention) since there was no more space for them to suck energy from my life.
Oddly, they never question why we haven’t talked in a bit and still pop up every so often.
You hold the key in fair weather friendships
The most important thing is recognizing if they are benefiting more from the friendship than you are.
Eventually, you’ll be able to decide if their lack of availability during rough times or interest in your life is a deal breaker.
You can then simply set boundaries so you don’t give them too much of yourself and get clearer about the types of friends that you do want in your life.
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